The doctor is in.

Well well well…. our offer was accepted on the house and since my last posting… we’ve closed the deal!

After work on Friday I went over to The New Dwelling and suited up to begin my first major project. Decked out in my fancy protective face-wear and clutching my trusty scraping tool, I was prepared to do battle against  the Evil Plaster Stalactites.

HUCK……

VERSUS STALACTITES!!!!

Actually, those are stalactites from some cave in Yosemite, but certainly kin to what was growing from the ceilings in our new house:

“Popcorned” or “stippled” plaster ceilings are gross (my opinion). They’re dust collectors and you can never paint them, and these were extra-gross because they were cracked and falling apart all over the hardwood floors. We were also concerned about someone being impaled by a falling plaster spike. Seriously. They had to go STAT.

I had been advised by my experienced parental units that such a project is Do-It-Your-Self-Able, it just takes a lot of elbow grease. Good thing I come from a line of folks with very greasy elbows!  I pulled out my step ladder, put on protective gear, tarped up the floors, set Fiona Apple a-blaring, and got to work. Banjo Boy is off in a distant desert doing research, so I began the project solo…. but   joined me and we worked late into the night!

The key is to moisten the plaster with water, making it pliable and easier to scrape. I’d read accounts online of people bringing in garden hoses and spraying down the whole ceiling… but that seemed ridiculous. I preferred to use a squirt bottle and my garden tank sprayer:

I learned to work in large sections, spraying down a large area (at least 5X5) several times and letting it soak, all the while working on another. It took  a lot of patience…. some of the stuff proved to be really stubborn…. but it all eventually came off. Here you can see the difference between the wet and dry plaster.

From the get-go had suspicions as to what I’d find beneath the crust. This type of dramatic plaster-texture is often done to conceal cracks or uneven ceilings…. and that’s just what I found. Not that big of a deal. We’ll sand it, tape it, patch it, and paint it.

I came back the next day and finished off this room (which will be the master bedroom) and a second room. Our goal is to get these two rooms finished as soon as possible, move in to them, and then tackle the rest of the house while we’re in the thick of it. Fight our way out from the inside of the beast.

Removing the plaster was step #1, but before we can patch and paint these rooms, we must fix the cause of all those damn cracks.

And this is where I introduce you to my favorite Interesting Problem. Meet Archie the Archway, a previous homeowner’s creative whim.

I  like the aesthetics of the arch. It’s funky, allows more light throughout the house, and really opens the space up. But it just wasn’t done in a smart way. The original doorway was intended to be 4’6″ wide…. while the archway has a gloriously unsupportable diameter of 8’6″. That’s a lot of space without vertical support. While you can’t see it in this photo, the arch has caused the upstairs floors to sag quite noticeably, resulting in cracked ceilings and plaster. While the arch is not a dangerous structural problem, it would most definitely continue to cause further cracks and dips if left unfixed.

To repair this, we will cut open the arch to expose the studs (vertical support posts between floors) and the header (the horizontal support beam).  If the framework looks solid on the inside, we will use structural jacks from Home Depot to raise the header 1/8″ a day until we’re satisfied.

AND THEN WE’LL BE ABLE TO PAINT THE UPSTAIRS ROOMS AND ACTUALLY MOVE IN.

We’ll leave the structural jacks and a cut-out doorway between the living room and dining room as a conversation piece.